In Healthy Relationship...
When we are healthy in relationship
We want to be real, live in authenticity and in truth. A common desire and intention is held to support what is real, true and authentic... there is unified effort to protect these healthy elements, which aid in making us whole.
We are open to seeing and addressing whatever is happening in our relationships, as well as, in our lives.
Our loyalty is to the truth, being real and authentic.
We are open to feeling discomfort, awkwardness and pain... with the realization everything is serving us somehow. We seek understanding and awareness. We are able to hold the awareness and understanding that it is essential to be conscious of what our feelings are showing us. And we do not see discomfort as bad.
We have healthy boundaries for self and others. Boundaries are understood to be necessary and loving in relationships. Boundaries are the foundation of building healthy connections.
We do not feel responsible for other people's feelings. We know we are responsible for our feelings, as well as how we choose to respond and address others. If we are respectful, truthful and operating from our deepest integrity in our exchanges and connections... we are walking in sincerity.
When we are truly being sincere, the intent being what is good for self and what is good for others. This is the choice to be healthy and we bear no rectification or responsibility beyond what we know in our hearts is needed.
We live from the awareness we must earn trust, not feel entitled or demanding trust from others.
We are open to hearing other people and their perspectives. We do not feel the need to agree and we feel it is okay to disagree. Our intention is to seek understanding, clarity, honor and respect above all else.
Differences and disagreements are honored and respected; seen as natural.
When we are in dysfunctional relationship
Being Real and holding Truth are seen as threatening... seen as too much, too intense, offensive or as mean.
The methods for dealing with each other in dysfunctional relationships... managing, hiding, withholding, avoiding, blaming and scapegoating each other, trying to control everything, using distractions or drama.
Another tactic used is rising above problems and relational issues. This tactic, in dysfunctional relationships is used for the appearance of being the better person; when in truth it is purely avoidance of the dysfunction issues and problems that have not been dealt with.
The desire and compulsion for needing to control everything is off limits for discussion. We label control as caring or as something other than what it really is. When operating from dysfunction healthy boundaries are seen as controlling and control is seen as love.
Boundaries are seen as punitive, unloving, alienating, offensive and mean. Feelings of entitlement to some degree, to be included in each other's affairs all the time. Hidden belief that boundaries shouldn't be needed with "me".
Our loyalty is to protecting our dysfunction. Loyalty is assumed and expected, not earned. Loyalty is sacrosanct to our hidden agreements and dysfunctional rules. Loyalty is expected for our roles in our relationships, our family and lives.
We operate from our addiction to feeling good, which drives pretty much all our decisions and our agreements with each other. Always wanting to feel good. An unwritten rule, we are to suppress and push away anything that doesn't feel good. And we label it as bad, toxic or not good for us.
Another popular aspect of the avoidance of Truth is to create Stories about relationships and life. Cute and cozy anecdote, instead of seeing the Truth as Salve for our Souls.
In dysfunctional relationships we are running from the feeling of the potential for death. The death of... the relationship or our roles. Also trying to avoid the feeling of needed deaths; such as an old way of being, a job, an aspect of our relationship or the relationship itself. A main tactic is to create drama or to distract from feeling nothingness or the void that can come from death.
Common distortions are feeling responsible for each other's feelings. Trying to control how others feel, so we and others feel comfortable. Holding the belief that part of having worth, value and being appropriate is how "we" make others feel, so needed truths are seen as hurtful and wrong. From this place we are offended by truth, realness and authenticity. Ultimately feeling entitled to what we want to feel instead of feeling what's True.
Also feeling entitled to having others trust us. Not holding the truth that trust is earned. Being offended if trust isn't given.
Low level or lack of ability to hear another, to honor, respect and work through differences. Easily offended and defensive. Projection is common, due to the lack in ability to fully see self. A covert or overt belief I am supposed to look agreeable, appropriate and be nice, instead of Real.
Disagreements and differences are seen as disrespectful, disloyal or even a betrayal.
Being Real and holding Truth are seen as threatening... seen as too much, too intense, offensive or as mean.
The methods for dealing with each other in dysfunctional relationships... managing, hiding, withholding, avoiding, blaming and scapegoating each other, trying to control everything, using distractions or drama.
Another tactic used is rising above problems and relational issues. This tactic, in dysfunctional relationships is used for the appearance of being the better person; when in truth it is purely avoidance of the dysfunction issues and problems that have not been dealt with.
The desire and compulsion for needing to control everything is off limits for discussion. We label control as caring or as something other than what it really is. When operating from dysfunction healthy boundaries are seen as controlling and control is seen as love.
Boundaries are seen as punitive, unloving, alienating, offensive and mean. Feelings of entitlement to some degree, to be included in each other's affairs all the time. Hidden belief that boundaries shouldn't be needed with "me".
Our loyalty is to protecting our dysfunction. Loyalty is assumed and expected, not earned. Loyalty is sacrosanct to our hidden agreements and dysfunctional rules. Loyalty is expected for our roles in our relationships, our family and lives.
We operate from our addiction to feeling good, which drives pretty much all our decisions and our agreements with each other. Always wanting to feel good. An unwritten rule, we are to suppress and push away anything that doesn't feel good. And we label it as bad, toxic or not good for us.
Another popular aspect of the avoidance of Truth is to create Stories about relationships and life. Cute and cozy anecdote, instead of seeing the Truth as Salve for our Souls.
In dysfunctional relationships we are running from the feeling of the potential for death. The death of... the relationship or our roles. Also trying to avoid the feeling of needed deaths; such as an old way of being, a job, an aspect of our relationship or the relationship itself. A main tactic is to create drama or to distract from feeling nothingness or the void that can come from death.
Common distortions are feeling responsible for each other's feelings. Trying to control how others feel, so we and others feel comfortable. Holding the belief that part of having worth, value and being appropriate is how "we" make others feel, so needed truths are seen as hurtful and wrong. From this place we are offended by truth, realness and authenticity. Ultimately feeling entitled to what we want to feel instead of feeling what's True.
Also feeling entitled to having others trust us. Not holding the truth that trust is earned. Being offended if trust isn't given.
Low level or lack of ability to hear another, to honor, respect and work through differences. Easily offended and defensive. Projection is common, due to the lack in ability to fully see self. A covert or overt belief I am supposed to look agreeable, appropriate and be nice, instead of Real.
Disagreements and differences are seen as disrespectful, disloyal or even a betrayal.
If you are reading this piece... it is time to see something in your life and your relationships. Time for Real, Authenticity, Truth and your Gifts to lead your life.
It is time to Heal and Evolve. Remember you have the power to change your life... using the Power of the Present Moment Choice. This is a real tool... Choose your way into your Authenticity, Truth and Gifts! Choose Healthy... Good for Self and Others, Integrity, Honor, Respect and what is Just and Right.
You may have work to do, but so what! It was work to get where you are now, just start walking your way out. You can do it!!! Healthy is available to All... it is a Choice Away.
It is time to Heal and Evolve. Remember you have the power to change your life... using the Power of the Present Moment Choice. This is a real tool... Choose your way into your Authenticity, Truth and Gifts! Choose Healthy... Good for Self and Others, Integrity, Honor, Respect and what is Just and Right.
You may have work to do, but so what! It was work to get where you are now, just start walking your way out. You can do it!!! Healthy is available to All... it is a Choice Away.
First Two Photos: pippalunacy.com & Footer Rainbow my iPhone
