I had been experiencing suicidal thoughts and feelings since around 10 years old when my parents divorced. Sometimes these feelings were very intense. All through my adolescent years I felt and believed I wouldn’t live past 25. I had reached a point in my early twenties where I was going to kill myself, and looking for a reason not to.
When I was at the end of my rope and ready to kill myself, I got Karen’s help, and talked with her over Skype. I felt like I couldn’t go on with my life. She helped and guided me to see and feel the purpose of what was happening to me and what I was feeling. That wanting to die could mean the death of the life I was living, and didn’t have to be the death of me. She didn’t try to talk me out of what I felt. She helped me expand on what my feelings were trying to show me, and I felt heard.
This brought me huge relief and hope. I began to feel my desire to die didn’t mean I was beyond help or repair, and it didn’t mean I can’t remedy this or change my life. It helped me feel that what was speaking to me was my desire for change, and that I couldn’t go on with the way things were another day.
This was almost three years ago, and I have not felt suicidal since. This shifted me onto a different trajectory in life, into a different way of looking at things. I have hope. I have gradually made changes and improvements in my life. I am learning to set boundaries. I used to feel unworthy of being in a relationship and now I am engaged. I was working in a highly toxic environment, and now my brother and I are taking over the family business and feeling excited for the future.
E.P.
Milwaukie, Oregon
1/8/17
