I have been going through healing on every level of my life. This work has taught me and given me the tools to own my own life. To feel my genuine feelings, how to ground myself, reconnect with my body, to recognize my own knowing and intuition, to love all parts of myself and what I have lived, especially the parts that seemed dark and wicked. For the first time since I was a little kid I am starting to feel at home in my body.
Like a lot of people I put up a false front to protect myself, to try to live up to the expectations of my environment so I could feel safe and accepted. It didn't work. In this healing process, as we have worked together, I saw how my persona was totally opposite of my natural personality. My real self was forgotten.
As a child I had a sensitive and big ego which became narcissistic. This became more intense as I grew older.
I had gone to therapy and been counseled by a variety of professionals, but because of the ways I had learned to hide and protect my dysfunction, it was difficult for anyone to help or detect what my actual issues were. I was good at spinning, distorting and sounding healthy and spiritual. Like I did everywhere else in my life I presented what I thought a therapist or spiritual leader wanted to hear. My deep wounds and traumas remained unhealed.
Karen has walked me through deep healing of narcissism, guiding me into seeing my wounds, trauma, anorexia, PTSD symptoms, and dark parts of myself, teaching me how to love and own them.
This healing is simple and unprecedented. Learning to love whatever is in your life, especially the parts that feel dark and wrong. And not in a rigid way of pretending you love something when you don’t, but loving whatever is here. If I hate this part of me, then love and accept my hatred. That is where I can start. Just be wherever I am, whatever that is. I have always tried to be something or somewhere else.
This process has enabled me to find my real self again.
I am learning that my authentic self is enough. And I can be that with other people and they don't have to approve or like me. This doesn't mean my way is wrong.